Searching For Love

In all the wrong places... sounds like a record, doesn't it? Isn't it? The story of my life, a broken record. Broken... Sometimes I wonder, I was born into love, I felt great love growing up in my family. I was loved and felt loved, and gave love, and got shit back. Seriously. I tried a grown up kinda love in 1976 when I got married for the first time. That only lasted 18 months before I discovered he was living with someone else. So you pick yourself up and dust youself off, and keep walking. Life is so much more then that.

I gave the dress to my future sister-in-law, and thankfully it brought her luck. So I concentrated on my career, I enjoyed life, I moved around, I fell in love again and again... and ended up spending the best part of my youth with someone I believed would love me as much as I poured into the whole thing, but sadly, he did not. It was a fun life. It was continually up and down, a real roller coaster; perhaps that's how one learns?

It was during this time, I discovered the only thing I could truely love, and definately cared about, and perhaps I could make a difference about; something I could control, and that was DOGS. So in essence, my search for love drove me directly to the dogs!

And so I gave up my search for human love and companionship for dogs. It's probably one of the most fullfilling things I have ever done in my life. It's also probably the most painful thing to carry the weight of the lives of many dogs around on my shoulders, day in and day out for years. But dogs will rarely betray you, and their gratefulness for a new life is evident in their every step forward. It consumes you.

There are some you hold briefly, and others you hold longer. But in the end, they must all leave. At some point I decided I was my own best mate and I could survive on my own with dogs. And I'm liking it that way. So I wonder how did I end up here? It wasn't that I didn't have plenty of love surrounding me, but I never had a good solid opportunity to receive love back, like that of a dog. Is it that I just searched for love in all the wrong places? What on earth led me to dogs? And what kept me there for so long? Perhaps the next 1/2 of my life will bring me time to figure all that out. For now, I'm enjoying the moment.