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| Tracker, 8.4.01 |
I only got to hold this dog for a short time. I was so disappointed and utterly shattered when I had to decide his fate that cold January day. It was too soon, it wasn't his time, not in the "natural" sense. I will always question my decision. But it is, what it is... Bottom line is I would not have wanted him to suffer. (I think he had cancer)
Tracker's story is on my other website, http://www.gsplady.com/rescuedogstories.htm, I can't bear to read it or repeat it yet. Heck, I'm just beginning to be able to say his name out loud without bursting into tears!
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| Tracker at work with me. |
Ya know even before he died, I had a dream...I chased and hunted him down (he was with Miracle in that one), she came running back to me, he didn't. Was it an omen? Why am I always chasing this dog down on foot in my dreams? He is always just "this far" away (like the sand bar photo above). I can just about get to him, but then again, I can't reach him. What's it all about?
Today it makes me cry. I am sad without him, and yet, I can barely remember the smell of him, the sound of his breathing that used to put me to sleep at night. I miss him so bad, it still tears my guts right out, after all these years. What is wrong with me? He was just a dog. I know in reality there are many, MANY more... and perhaps Tracker sent Jim my way to ease the pain....which it did. But no two dogs are the same. They each have character and personality. It's why we either bond with them or we don't. Tracker was a gentle soul. We chose each other. I'm grateful I got to hold him and know him for the short time I did. And if I always have to track him down, well, then I guess I will, because that is one dog I will be looking for on the "other side". Perhaps I'll never know what the dreams are really all about... but when I DO find him, there will be no separating us again.
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